If you are wondering whether your marriage is over, then you have probably answered your own question already. The fact that you are having serious doubts about the relationship means that there are probably a number of problems that you will not be able to fix easily.

It may have begun as small irritations that have built up over time, or it may be something new, a major change in your lives that mean the two of you are no longer compatible in the way you once were.

What to look out for

Some of the key signs to look out for when you think your marriage might be over include:

• A breakdown in communication between the two of you. In the early stages of your relationship, and later your marriage, you would probably have spent hours just talking to each other, even if it was as simple as saying how your day went. Lately, you have probably noticed that the two of you hardly speak any more, unless it is about something important that needs to be dealt with immediately.

• Arguments over small things. Whereas you may have been able to solve the small problems and then laugh about it, the slightest irritation now has you arguing with each other. You both find that your spouse does many things which are irritating and annoying, when you perhaps would not have noticed these before.

• Avoiding each other. Early in your relationship, it is more than likely that you would have wanted to spend as much time together as possible, in that first flush of romance. This would have been a dominant feeling soon after the wedding as well, when the two of you still felt deeply in love. However, if your marriage is coming to an end, then you will have noticed that you are spending more and more time apart, perhaps in a bid to avoid further arguments.

• You want your life to be drastically different from what it is. If you find yourself daydreaming about how different your life would be without your spouse, and it seems an appealing prospect, then clearly your relationship is no longer working. If you want to remain together, you would both need to put in a lot of effort, otherwise divorce is probably inevitable.

• When you are no longer able to support each other in what you do, then the relationship has broken down. A spouse or partner needs to believe in you and be there to help when you need it, or just to provide encouragement the rest of the time. If this is no longer happening, then it seems likely you are heading for a divorce.

• How do you feel about spending time with your spouse? Do you look forward to the weekends when you are both at home and can spend the time together, or do you dread the thought and try to fill the time with other activities, or seeing other people? This will tell you a lot about the state of your marriage, if you let it. If you do not want to spend time together, then the relationship, and the marriage, is definitely over as neither of you has any desire to work on what makes a relationship successful.

These are some of the most common signs that your marriage may be over, or at the very least in serious trouble. When you are only considering what you want, and not what your partner wants, it is no longer a relationship - it is simply two people who happen to live in the same house. Leading separate lives in this way is a definite indication that the relationship is struggling. You will either end up getting a divorce, or needing to work very hard in order to save the marriage.

If saving the marriage is what you want, be aware that it will not be easy. You and your spouse will need to talk to each other about all of the problems you have been experiencing, and then try to work through them together. If you are determined enough, your marriage need not be over yet, but you need to be open and honest, spend time with each other, and try to avoid getting irritated by the little things.