Mr. Right Can Really Be Mr. Wrong
Everybody has a need to be loved and seek companionship but when the person you loves turns out to be less then ideal and reveals their true nature and begins abusing you; that is when you must get out of the relationship for your own good, regardless of the love that may still exist for your abuser. Sometimes prevention can be the key.
Signs of a Possible Abusive Personality
If they seem too good to be true.
If they often blame others for their actions.
If they have an intense need to be in control.
If they are easily made upset or quick to anger.
If they have an inability to accept personal boundaries.
If they are extremely possessive or jealous.
If they often have unrealistic expectations regarding the relationship.
If they have a violent history.
Signs such as these are the most common found in people who abuse others, so do not ignore such traits.
Misconceptions about What an Abuse Relationship Is
Some people have misconceptions about exactly what an abusive relationship may entail. Here are some signs that you are in an abusive relationship:
If they deny responsibility for their own actions and blame you or minimize the seriousness of the things they do.
If they isolate you from family or friends due to jealousy or the need to control your life.
If they use intimidation such as breaking objects or open threats.
If they threaten to harm your children if you leave.
If they try to take financial control of the money you earn.
If they are verbally abusive and call you names, make demeaning jokes about you or criticize everything that you do.
If they hit or beat you when they are angry.
Abusive relationships do not have to be physical, verbal and emotional abuse counts as well. You should not stay with someone who abuses you in this manner.
Things You Can Do to Leave the Relationship
You can contact a friend or family member for help and stay with them, bring only the essentials and your children if you have any and do not tell your abusive partner where you are going. Make sure that you seek help as soon as possible. Abusers never reform and never change their abusive behaviors.
Call the police and get them involved should abuse occur; make a formal complaint and make sure that you follow through on all the police matters. File a restraining order or order of protection if necessary. Do not let your love for your partners cloud your judgment. Fully cooperate with the police to ensure your own safety and emotional health.
If however you do not have any friends or family that you can stay with, do not give up and become disillusioned. There are plenty of shelters for battered women such as yourself. Don’t ever feel like you must stay with an abusive partner just because you seemingly do not have anywhere to go or anyone to turn to.
How to Deal with the Aftermath of an Abusive Relationship
After you have left the relationship, counseling is incredibly important as abuse can leave long-term emotional damage. You should seek counsel and maybe even join a support group for people who have gone through similar situations as you. Talking about your feelings can be therapeutic and help in the healing process. If your children witnessed you being abused then make sure you have them see a counselor as well.
You must acknowledge that the abuse does iexist, regardless of if it is physical or not. You should never wait for it to turn physical as you can sustain serious injuries. Verbal threats and yelling are types of abuse and can be precursors to eventual physical violence. After the abuse your partner will most likely be kind and seemingly apologetic, there will be a period of calm but tensions will rise once more and the cycle of abuse will continue. So leave before things get this serious.
You must fully address the underlying issues that caused you to seek out an abusive partner. The most common cause of people seeking others with abusive behavior is poor self-esteem and wanting to be loved. You must venture into your psyche and discover the deeper reasons why you fell in love with someone who is abusive. Those who typically seek out abusive relationships felt a sense of loneliness, exclusion by others and a sense of being unloved while they were growing up or their parents may have been abusive as well.
Never Wait until It is Too Late
In closing you should never wait until it is too late to get out of an abusive relationship.