If you've just started a new relationship and have trouble trusting your boyfriend because of past relationship or have a hard time trusting your old boyfriend again because he cheated on you, pay close attention here.
Trust is the cornerstone of every relationship and it is a pre-requisite for one to be successful. You can't have a lovely 'happily married forever' relationship without TRUSTING each other completely.
Trust builds overtime depending on the things that we do. Talking, listening, appreciating and making love are some of the things that build trust in a relationship.
There are actually dozens of things that help build trust in a relationship. The impact of any specific thing towards building or breaking of trust depends on the specific person or relationship.
A relationship between two couples is very different from relationship between two friends (of the opposite sex) or a brother-sister or a mother-son relationship. Relationships amongst couples build trust faster and are generally a lot more bonding than the others (despite of the fact that the two people are complete strangers) because of a KEY emotion called LOVE.
Couples generally spend more time with each other, know more about each other and understand each other better (at least at the courtship and middle phases of the relationship). This helps develop LOVE. But the main reason why two couples do all of this is because they have ATTRACTION for each other.
You're not really going to listen to a stranger that you meet tomorrow at the bar and listen to his life history all day long. You're not going to keep calling him all the time to talk to him. Nor are you going to kiss him.
But what makes YOU really do that? Well... it's ATTRACTION or DESIRE.
Desire is the magical drug that forces people to do things in the way that pleases the other party. So if you really have a hard time trusting your boyfriend, you need to make him do things that'll gain your trust.
You can easily accomplish by disapproving him directly. It can work sometimes especially if he's badly attracted to you and feels truly guilty. But in a lot of cases, you can ACTUALLLY offend him and make him leave you.
Remember, you're dealing with guys here. Guys have bloated up EGO which they will use to rationalize that they don't want you anymore. Even if he's attracted to you and feels guilty about breaking your trust, you will begin to hurt his EGO when you disapprove of him too much.
And it won't be too long before he thinks, "What the hell? I know I made a mistake and I've been true to her after that. But still... she keeps acting like I'm a sinner or something. Why should I put up with this? I'm going to tell her to GET LOST".
Now he won't tell you to GET LOST immediately. But he’ll do so after this thought keeps hitting him every time you disapprove of him until he’s not willing to take it anymore.
This is true if you're dealing with a guy that cheated on you previously. But if you're with a new guy who's never cheated on you and knows that you were previously hurt by an ex boyfriend, he's not going to tolerate any of it at all.
Directly disapproving a guy WILL NOT work right off the bat. You need to do it SUBTLY.
If your boyfriend has just cheated on you and is asking for reconciliation, direct DISAPPROVAL will make him come back to you more. So play ball for as long as you want during this phase (but make sure that you don't trip his EGO too much).
Once you reconcile, you can no longer disapprove him (at least not openly). You need to give him signs that you're attracted to him but at the same time, you need to REJECT his advances.
Rejecting his advances is nothing but SUBTLE disapproval. This will only make him attracted to you even more. Even if you completely trust your boyfriend and are perfectly happy with him, it is important that you do this.
Regularly disapproving him in an unpredictable manner makes him work hard to earn your attention. He'll have to appreciate you more, call you more and chase after you more to earn your approval. When he's doing more and more things in order to make you attracted to him, he will find himself FALLING hopelessly in love with you. This is inevitable.
Let me give you an example...
Let's say that you've been working for an organization for 20 years right from the start of your career at 23. You've just been doing everything that you're capable of to please your superiors, get work done and contribute towards the organization.
As you do it day by day, you will find yourself DEEPLY committed to the organization. You will like the stability and the management more and will have a hard time switching over to a new one (if they were to offer you a better way).
Well it's the same case with a relationship. By constantly disapproving him and making him do things to gain your approval (he doesn't necessarily have to gain it - just hints will do), he will be find himself consistently committed towards doing the things that gain your approval.
When he keeps doing that, you will SOON realize that you can completely trust him and won't ever feel emotionally vulnerable again.
So how do you constantly disapprove of him to make him gain your approval?
There are actually lots of different things you can do. Listing them all is virtually impossible in this article.
Instead of trying to learn all these actions and use it on him, the best thing you can do is TRUST your intuition and disapprove of him as the situation comes by because each situation is unique.
But here are some pointers...
1. Say NO
Saying No more often than you say YES is probably one of the best things you can do. If he invites you for a date, say no at least 2-3 times before you say yes.
Play games with him. If he asks you to kiss him or tries to make love to you, reject his advances until he spends more time to do things to get you to do it. Use your intuition. Do not give yourself easily.
2. Listen to him
The most effective way to make him completely LOYAL to you is to listen to him. This is a very counter-intuitive thing and rarely EVER happens in relationship reconciliations where one party has cheated.
In most of these relationships, it's often the victim that talks more and reveals more after the reconciliation (NOT Before or DURING). It's natural human tendency.
You'll also feel a tendency to the same. That's where you need to stop and reverse the condition. You need to make your boyfriend pour his heart to you. So suppress your urge to open your mouth.
There will be time to pour your heart out later once you've built trust with him. But at the start, make him talk.
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