Being able to put the past behind you and move on is a vital part of being able to rebuild your life and start over again after a divorce. There are many things you can do that will help you to move on, and these are only suggestions.

Firstly, though, you will need to allow yourself time to recover from the ending of your marriage and the subsequent divorce. You may find that it takes several months to recover from the initial feelings of shock, loss or anger – by accepting this, you will be able to move on more quickly.

Steps to help you move on

• Arrange to spend time with other people rather than staying in the house on your own. This will help prevent you from dwelling on the past and wondering how you could have done things differently to prevent the divorce. Instead, go out with your friends and family, particularly at the weekends when it is most likely that you will start to feel lonely and upset. Always make sure you plan how you are going to fill this time.

• Find new ways to keep yourself busy. Take up a new hobby, but make sure it is something that will help you get out of the house, perhaps even just for one evening a week, initially. Think about what you wanted to do during your marriage, but never managed to find the time for, and have a go at it. If you aren’t sure what to do, think about learning a new skill at evening classes, speaking a language, perhaps. This is also a great way for you to meet new people, which will expand your social circle with people who do not also know your ex-husband or ex-wife.

• It is also important to take care of yourself. Make sure you are eating properly, and try to avoid junk food as much as possible. Take a vitamin supplement if necessary. You may also want to take up a form of exercise – perhaps join a gym, take up a dance class, or even simply going for a walk every evening. Keeping busy and active will definitely help you to leave the past behind and create a fantastic new life for yourself as you move forward.

If you are struggling to deal with the emotional issues that have developed as a result of the divorce, don’t be ashamed to admit you need help. There is nothing wrong with seeking out counselling, and you may find that it helps you to recover from the feelings of grief much faster than you would otherwise have done.

Something that is important when it comes to accepting the divorce and moving on is being able to acknowledge that you will have good and bad days. Sometimes you will feel as though you have recovered, and then the next day you may want to stay in bed and cry. These feelings are perfectly normal and happen naturally as part of the grieving process. Don’t worry about the bad days, just accept that they will happen.

You may find that some of your friends are encouraging you to start dating again. This would not be advisable immediately after a divorce, even though they are bound to have your best interests at heart. The only person who can decide when it is right to think about dating again is you. This could be anything from a few months to a few years, but you need to make the decision that is going to be right for you.

Moving on after a divorce is difficult, but being able to take your mind off the situation will be extremely helpful.